I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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