I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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