He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
