no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
