Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
