THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
