my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
