dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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