I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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