That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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