i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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