I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
