So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
