just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
