Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
