If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
