Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
