Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
