guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
