that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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