So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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