I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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