Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
