how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
