pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
