We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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