Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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