He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
