Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
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just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
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That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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