You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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