I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wish there were birth control emojis
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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