Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
