who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
they need to just BURY HIM!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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