just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
