There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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