Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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