There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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