I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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