i just had sex bonerless
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
