So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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