No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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