I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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