I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
