We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Even my vagina gasped.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
