there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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