At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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