I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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