im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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