Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
