the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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