Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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