Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
