so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
3pm strippers are depressing
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
