Kiss
Puke
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
