the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
