The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
