she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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