Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
