She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
