I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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