It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
