Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
