I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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