hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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