I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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