If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
