her vagina looked like bernie madoff
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
