I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
