I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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