I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
