Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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