Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You left your phone here
Wait...
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