I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
