I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
only you would photoshop your dick
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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