Please, let me fuck your mom
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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