yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
time to smoke my breakfast
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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